How Forgiveness Strengthens Friendships

We’ve all been there. A friend says something hurtful, forgets a promise or lets you down. A wave of annoyance washes over you, and the urge to bring it up, to rehash the offense, can be strong. However, Proverbs 17:9 offers a different approach: “Whoever conceals an offense seeks love, but whoever repeats a matter separates close friends.”

This verse is a powerful reminder that true friendship thrives on forgiveness and understanding. Dwelling on minor offenses creates distance and chips away at the trust that binds friends together.

Here’s why letting go of the little things matters:

• It promotes love and understanding. When we choose to forgive and move on, we prioritize the overall health of the friendship over a single misstep. This fosters a more loving and compassionate relationship.
• It strengthens trust. Holding onto resentment creates walls. By letting go, we show our friends we trust them to learn and grow from their mistakes.
• It fosters open communication. If we constantly harp on past offenses, our friends may become hesitant to confide in us or be honest for fear of judgment. Forgiveness allows for open communication, a cornerstone of strong friendships.

So, how do we put Proverbs 17:9 into practice?

• Consider the severity of the offense. Was it a minor misunderstanding or a major betrayal? For small things, letting it go is usually the best course of action.
• Practice compassion. Try to see things from your friend’s perspective. Was it a careless mistake or something out of their control?
• Address the issue directly, if needed. For more serious offenses, a private conversation might be necessary. However, focus on resolving the issue, not rehashing every detail.
• Choose forgiveness. This doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, but rather prioritizing the relationship over our preferences.

There are situations where covering an offense, as described in Proverbs 17:9, might not be the best course of action. Here are some key considerations:

• Severity of the Offense: Serious offenses like theft, violence, or abuse should not be ignored. These acts may require church discipline or even legal action to protect yourself or others.
• Lack of Remorse: If the offender shows no remorse or continues the offensive behavior, simply “covering” it won’t lead to reconciliation. Addressing the issue directly and setting boundaries might be necessary.
• Accountability and Change: Forgiveness is important but it shouldn’t prevent accountability. In some cases, the offender may need to face consequences for their actions or take steps to change their behavior before forgiveness can truly occur.
• Public vs. Private Offense: If the offense was public and caused harm to others, a private act of forgiveness might not be enough. A public apology or taking responsibility for the actions might be necessary to rebuild trust and prevent further harm.
• Safety and Well-being: If forgiving or “covering” the offense puts your safety or well-being at risk, it’s not the right approach. Prioritize your own safety and seek help from authorities or trusted individuals if necessary.

Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to “cover” an offense is a personal one. By following the wisdom of Proverbs 17:9, we can cultivate stronger, more loving bonds with the people who matter most. 

In Christ,

Elder Scott King